"Mom, I don't need anything in this store today"
These are precisely those words from which serious progress began in my relationship with my daughter. But I did not believe that the day, when my child would voluntarily give up the purchase of another pack of coloring and books, ever comes :) But it came. And such days - when my child makes his conscious choice - it becomes more and more.
Why? Because when you truly open your child your heart, act in his interests, appeal to his mind, etc., the child disappears the desire to manipulate you. The child begins to cooperate. Yes, it happens not immediately, but it happens. After all, no child is born on this planet with a natural desire to wind the nerves on a fist. And if he does this, there is a serious reason to think about what and why is not so in your relationship.
"Mom, buy a cat. I want more responsibility "
- Want responsibility? We will arrange MIG.
And we bought her kitten.
So, in that pet store, the dark September evening, my child never fled to her 9 years. Honestly. And then I once again understood: when a person truly wants something, he is ready for this to run half-breed, unclean, late in the evening or early in the morning - all this does not matter. The main thing is the goal. Here it is - the work of deep motivation in action :)
But how else to arrange everything so that the child wanted to clean the teeth with no lower zeal to clean the teeth in the morning (without reminder), to do on their own lessons, perform my mother's and dadgets, etc. It is very difficult to do it and at the same time very easily. You need to urgently start another account in your bank. This time ... emotional. And do there deposits several times a day. As soon as your emotional confidence account is filled, you will see what will begin to happen in your relationship with the child.
"Mom, just not call until dad. He will come from work now, and we will all go to the pizzeria together. I invite you to dinner "
That day I literally opened my mouth from amazement and ... Pride for my child. And a little behind myself :) Acknowledge, I was extremely tired on that day and from the thought that dinner is not ready yet, but on the clock it is already late, I have become quite sad. And then my child took out of his cache the last couple of dozen no time donated to it and took us with a dad to our favorite pizzeria near the house.
So proud I have never seen her never. Truth. And how my daughter's eyes glowed, when Pope and I thanked her for a wonderful evening and kissed firmly in both cheeks! It seemed to me that in that moment the eyes of our dad also flashed - from incomprehensibly from where we have done the tears.
Why didn't she buy something to himself, but spent his last savings on our joint dinner? Because she began to understand how much we do for her every day, and I really wanted to make a back gesture. She began to feel the unconditional love manifested towards her - and she wanted her love before the depths of the soul. I do not know, but what. And what is love at the level of affairs and actions is primarily concern.
I can give such situations as a great set. But it was not always so. I had to now have to do a lot of work on yourself and our relationship with it. But it is exactly worth it. Yes, periodically my daughter, like all the other 9-year-old children, throws the knees. But what do all these unpleasant surprises compared to how much joy and happiness does it contribute to our life?
And how are things with surprises in your family? Your children also do not let you miss you? :) I look forward to your answers in the comments.
Ekaterina Alekseeva, instructor for harmonizing relations with children