Recently, such a letter came, which, rather, does not ask the question, but opens the topic. The dreaming really did not ask anything, and judging by the abundance of ellos, belongs to this sleep with dramaticness and weight.
"The dreams are different ... But when one dream is dream ... That the house has a coffin with a dead grandmother ... And it was in my life ... I wake up in a cold sweat from fear ... I understand that the experiences of children's ... But I can't fix the situation ..."
I just can guess that the revealing circumstances of her life and loss of grandmother in childhood are shot. The theme of death, of course, paralyzing. With the fact of the death of close, nothing cannot be done, the doomed and helpless state is guaranteed for many months, and sometimes years, since death entails and a long process of loss and mourning, and humility, and learning life without support on this person.
Probably, our dreamy has experienced this experience in childhood, when the explanatory concept of death is still very weak. The child will rather experience the feelings of fear and loss in all amount than to rationalize and explain the transition of a person to another world, call for help religious or philosophical views. His, child, can capture the ocean of feelings associated with the death of a loved one.
At the same time, Elizabeth Cübler-Ross, who wrote an amazing book "On death and dying", argues that in the modern culture of death they try to give an unrealistic appearance. The deceased paint, dress, give the appearance of a sleeping person rather than the deceased. And it actually extends the suffering of loved ones, since it is difficult for them to take the inevitability and destructiveness of death. An even greater mistake is the absence of children at the funeral and burials, allegedly their psyche will not stand. However, instead they say that "the grandfather left far, heavily sick or looks from heaven" than create the soil for false illusions, fantasies and hopes, instead of knowing that life is finite. Children see this on the example of dead animals and insects who find, see in films and cartoons, but the real world and fantasy quickly lose points of contact in the subject of death. And this means that children retain infantility and infelosity to any processes resembling death: parting, moving, separation.
Irwin Yal, an American psychotherapist, one of the most famous and influential authorities in its field now, writes that nothing fills our life to the meaning as it fills the fear of death, as well as the awareness of the limbs of the life of loved ones and its own. If we were waiting for 300-500 years ahead, right now we would not hurry to live, postponed important tasks, waited for an infinite better time. However, we know in the depths of the soul that our time is limited, and terribly worried about it. The horror in front of the limb of its own existence, according to the reflections of scrap and other existential psychotherapists, actually forces us to live on a complete coil. Yal wrote that terrible, painful, complete diseases and anxiety Old age is waiting for those who lived their lives meaningless, succumbing to the second gusts, without creating their loved ones, nothing distinctly valuable and meaningful. Conversely, the sunset of the lives of those who lived in meaningful, filled with acceptance and love of their projects and relations, and most importantly, to themselves, gratitude to their life and what was released.
Now let's go back to our dream. When a close person is leaving, this is simultaneously a feeling of grief and loss, as well as the fear before death does not work me and is closer to me. Probably, our dreamy could also reflect on what the inevitability of his own death pushes it right now. What steps in your life she can decide, knowing that opportunities die as well as expensive, close people?
The depth questions to ourselves can help decide on something truly bold and desired.
I wonder what you dream? Examples of your dreams send by mail: [email protected]. By the way, dreams are much easier to express if in a letter to the editor you will write preceding life circumstances, but most importantly - feelings and thoughts at the time of awakening from this dream.
Maria Dyachkova, PSYCHOLOGIST, Family therapist and leading trainings of personal growth Training center Marika Khazin