The main task of many people - "Create a family and will be happiness" - often breaks on the rock of reality, inability to look for compromises and negotiate the important, exciting, fundamental things before the ring crawls on the finger.
Family is not a hard labor, where you constantly need to be shifted on the brings from efforts. This is an equivalent contribution of two, it is a courtship (only not a bakery-candy period, where a man has its attention to a woman, and attitude for relationships).
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During the houses, it was good, cozy, calm.
So that two were happy.
In order not to happen the situations in which "two rams on the mountain road".
It is important to understand that absolutely every relationship pass through complex stages and crises. The only difference is how the couple reacts to difficulties - someone runs on the first difficulties, someone is looking for ways to an environmentally friendly solution, which does not just glue what the beginning to crack, but will also be as much as possible.
Psychologist Alena Al-As
The most difficult periods in family relationships are the first year, the third, seventh and fourteenth . It is in these periods that it suffers difficulties, and the desire to quickly solve all the divorce is great.
In the first year of family life Couple is often conflicted, as the launch stage occurs.
Problems arise due to:
- Life. It turns out that she does not like candy, scattered around the house, his slope, dirty socks under the bed. The husband scans the tea loudly, picks up in his teeth for a fork and eats hands from a frying pan. And, the worst, it takes a fork on this frying pan.
From the outside it seems that these are all such trifles, but people who are accustomed to live in a certain way (to throw away the phantom immediately, there is from a plate, add dirty underwear to the basket), very hard is rebuilt.
If this is your problem, divide home duties, arrange unloading days (when both are pile in the borders of your perception, and then you also work together), let each other are imperfect;
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-overwhelmed expectations . When the woman was waiting for the Prince, and the plumber got caught her, and she decided "why not", then they will suffer from everything, except for the prince. Because the hardest thing is to get out of your illusions and invented peace and soberly look at the situation, on your life, on a partner.
If this problem touched you, look at your man soberly and ask yourself a few questions. "If I will meet a millionaire in the queue for bread, will I bother my husband?", What positive features do my partner have? "," What I can not put up with? ";
- No feeling . When "Hasiki Tikali" and "All girlfriends are already married, and I worse?" In marriage, terrible things begin to occur. Because with the candy and the fact that the husband is not a millionaire, you can get better, find an outlet and accept the only case when you love a man.
And when the cavalier just turned up, who called married and sin not to go out, and then it turned out that he was not perfect .... Everything, life will be hell.
If you understand that you really do not like the spouse and, moreover, you do not have any warm feelings, respect, sympathy, if you feel bad, hurt and disgusting nearby, then these relationships must be finished.
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The next crisis stage is the 3th anniversary of the family. Often the relationship by this time is stable, calm, candy no one throws. Relationships develop and, at the same time appear New reasons for conflicts:
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- Usually by this period, the pair comes already on his hands with the child. A woman gives all the strength to the baby, getting tired, fights for a free minute for himself and is trying to stay with his beloved and desired woman for her husband.
It does not always work, especially if the husband has overestimated requirements and zero strings to separate duties.
Surface solution: a man to be maximally included in the life of a child, in caring for it, and the woman does not play a heroine that will cope herself;
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- problems in sexual life . It becomes boring, Presno, not before. The entire extradition of the first years will disappear, the basic needs, like sleeping.
For example, if it used to be neglected with a dream and his rest for the sake of hot night, now it's already to sleep, it doesn't seem so bad idea.
If you understand that the problem lies in it, do not be afraid to diversify your sex life and offer, talk, share your impressions, shake off dust commitments;
- Financial disputes . It is necessary to spend money on the needs of the family, to deny themselves in something, paying loans / mortgages, which strongly affect the psychological stability of a person.
If your family's problem is in this, then you should pull out financial literacy and responsibility (piggy bankings, deposits, lists, and not sudden purchases "I wanted").
Rethinking life, new priorities and values, the inner crisis of personality - all this is part of the next family crisis that happens on 7 year of living together.
Most often, the couple faces one big problem - this is not understanding what to do next. The child went to school, the second I do not want or not the opportunity, the career is stable, all the disputes and quarrels stumbled, and everything is in order.
Often, this crisis is referred to as a simple expression "What was missing?".
And not enough emotions and understanding what to do next.
There are no goals and motivation.
There is not enough attention from the partner and you want to be interesting and desirable not only for him / her, but also to "penetrate" the missing emotions from others.
Often there is a nostalgia for the trough life and the feeling that everything was fine and fun there, and now the boring mortal.
It is necessary to solve this problem comprehensively and gradually: to pay attention to yourself and relationships, arrange the second honeymoon and pay more attention to the partner, because it is this, a light raisher and madness, not enough at this stage of relationship.
Fourteenth year of family relationships You can marry as "friendship with his wife / husband".
Children grew up, but still need parents who were now started to diverge in their upbringing views (children - adolescents, and each of their parents look at the relationship with the child in this difficult period), further training.
Intimate life moved to the background and all that is - rather marital debt than the desire and need.
Partners feel more buddies and good friends than a couple and therefore distinguish between each other because of the imbalance in understanding the relationship.
It is during this period that you can fall in love with your partner again: to turn around the past years, remember the most valuable and important thing that happened, thank for a strong shoulder or reliable rear. Shoot together on the journey, Kiss after work or in the morning, and let children themselves decide where to learn and how to live.
The settlement of family crises is not easy and it is important to understand that one person cannot do everything so that in the family there was love, peace and harmony. Before breaking the relationship, both should try to make it all the power to save and not doubt the remaining life about the hasty decision.
Breaking - do not build. Maybe not hurry?