Is there sex for you as it is important to us? However, wait. Whatever the answer to this question, the main thing is that it relates to the answer of your partner. Alas and ah, but often our expectations in the questions of proximity disagree with reality. Hence a huge number of problems, bringing happy once pairs to regular conflicts and even breaks. Is sexy life really affect romantic relationships so much? Is it true that it is impossible to live without sex?
It is still not easy to talk about sex. Yes, we live in the twenty-first century - and there are no problems with access to any information. It seems that shame and confusion that covered our parents when discussing the topic "About this", no longer disturbing us, modern and liberated. True, the keyword here "seems." The calibration comes out that it is the problems of a sexual nature become one of the main, destroying the strongest and loving unions.
Why? We are talking to each other when it comes to finance, work, children. We recognize each other in sympathy, revealing about childhood injuries and psychological difficulties. But when it comes to intimate preferences, we turn aside in the complex, compacted and unsure of yourself adolescents who are difficult to admit to their partner in their desires. Let's deal with why it is so important to learn to talk about sex and your sexuality.
the Forbidden fruit
Hundreds, even thousands of years, the intimate sphere was taboo. Of course, exceptions are always in the rules, but in sociums of different eras and times, up to the twentieth century, sex was considered something shameful, sinful, prohibited. Enjoy physical proximity? What do you! The main thing - childbearing, and if the baby appears in the family, do not do without a "this case", what to do ... Men and women (women more often) buried their sexuality, broke their temperament, tolerated without sex (or sex itself). This "luggage" from the ancestors passed into the form of generations. It seems everything is possible, but we still cannot afford to be yourself.
It comes to funny (although it's funny here, of course, little): We are shy for calling the genitals right, without a bright brother and shadow of embarrassment. Here, by the way, and the attitude towards an intimate sphere is formed. Our parents could not explain to us that in the word "penis" there is nothing terrible, and here we, adults and those who consisted, convey this shame to their children, introducing various euphemisms into their lexicon, like "Petushkov", "Krarti" and "Pizza". Why is this happening? Because we are still experiencing a varying disturbance in front of your own body, we do not know all its secrets, fear of him.
According to statistics, before the ninety percent of women who do not have pleasure from sexual contacts, not frigid in the medical sense
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My close girlfriend, long and happily married, somehow on the bachelorette party shared intimate: she does not bring joy closely with her husband. To say that we were surprised, it's not to say anything. After all, their marriage is already ten years old, they have two children - and everything is clear that the spouses love each other. "You see, I just don't see myself in the role of mistress!" - complained to Anya. "This is the same Tsigricians, depraved, and I'm different," a woman confessed. That evening we advised Ana to appeal to a sexologist. After a time, the girlfriend said that after a few visits, her life was literally turned over. The doctor helped her understand exactly where the source of her problem was. It turns out that, in childhood, her mother after a divorce with his father on what the light should scold his new passion. "She told me a very little girl that the woman seduced by our dad, fascinated him that she behaved like a slutty girl." Anya forgot about it, pushed out of his memory, but the words of the mother were already an adult woman. She simply could not afford to become the most "libertine" and "deliberate" and clap his sexuality all these years. She was lucky: her husband either did not guessed about the forced coldness of his wife, or took the situation, not trying to put pressure on his spouse. Family happiness did not prevent anything, but, of course, in secretly all Anna felt herself with a cheater, a traitor, cold and unbearable. And if it were not that a bachelorette party, it would continue ... how long? By the way, Anya still goes to a specialist - now not to a sexologist, and already to a psychotherapist, trying to get acquainted with his sensuality and wake his sexuality.
According to statistics, before the ninety percent of women who do not have pleasure from sexual contacts, not frigid in the medical sense, that is, they have a physical opportunity to get orgasm. But this possibility for some reason is blocked. The reasons often come children's injuries and experiences that "frozen" the development of sexuality. What to do? Study yourself and your body, his reaction and needs. At first, you may be uncomfortable and embarrassing, but it is important to understand: no one except you can understand what you like when, with whom and how you like it. The study of its own sexuality is the same stage of growing up, as well as all that happens to you. Growing, you begin to understand what your style is what your addiction is in food, what films and music you prefer. Preferences are important to take and respect, otherwise you risk a truly "break".
How to return interest in sex?
one. Do not press any partner or on yourself . If you constantly focus on the fact that something is "not in order" with your pair, so it will be. Take the situation as it is now: it will help to navigate in reality and figure out why changes have occurred in your libido (or libido partner).
2. Fantasize! Imagination is a zone free from prohibitions and taboos. No one can look into your dreams, no one will correct and teach you. The main critic that can leave you in your fantasies is you yourself.
3. Play. Today there is a huge number of adult games - sexy bones, intimate lotto, "hot" cards ...
four. Read! Erotic literature can make much more stronger than the usual viewing of spicy video. Why? Everything is simple: reading, we make our imagination work.
five. Anticipate: Expect that hour when everything should happen, in the morning. Enter the message, frank photos, notes.
It happens very often: we do not see the true temperament of each other
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Here are the appetites!
Usually we consider the problem only our "coldness" and indifference to sex. And if you look at the situation on the other side? How to be if you need more than a partner can offer?
The beginning of the novel of my colleagues, Kati and Oleg, have unfolded in our eyes. This passionate couple kissed literally everywhere, a little confusion of random witnesses. We were glad for lovers, but the union of them lasted a year and a half. Somehow at the Katya corporate party, usually silent, folded. It turned out that the end of her relationship with Oleg put ... The difference in temperaments. The fact that the young man is much calmer than it seemed, Katya began to notice only six months after the start of their novel. "You see, at first everything was like a fairy tale. Everything is so passionately, everything is so rapid! .. I could not imagine that the fire will get out literally in a few months, "Katerina shared disappointed.
3 important points
Learn. To understand what is happening in your sex life, it is important to know everything about yourself. Pay attention and time to your body, its secrets, its features. Understand what your temperament is. Learn to talk about your body and your temperament with a partner.
Direct. By the way, about conversations before, during and after sex it is worth saying separately. Few people can directly declare what they need. Train! Difficult to pronounce something, looking into the eyes of a partner? Write to him "dirty" messages!
Trust. Very often proximity overshadows a simple psychological clamp. However, it is not so simple: the essence is that it is difficult for you to completely disable control and trust even the closest partner. Try to work on confidence issues with your chosen one.
It happens very often: behind the ardent start we do not see the true temperament of each other. There is no time to talk, and how to do it? In order to decide on this kind of conversation, you need a certain degree of liberty, and suitable lexicon. And you remember that since childhood we are impressed by shame before directly calling our bodies and feelings? It is difficult to argue about erogenous zones and excitement, when there are no suitable words for this. Katya and Oleg could not understand something important about each other, and then it turned out that the Girl of Sex needs much more than her partner. For several months, she fought with me and the temptation to change less temperamental Oleg, then decided to talk - and their union collapsed. The sad truth of life, and better so than to suffer in marriage, being close to the unsuitable partner or hide its goal from him.
It happens that you start to disperse in the needs after a considerable time together. Of course, in this case, it is worth attaching every effort to return the past. Married sex kill both life, and the birth of children, and accumulated fatigue. How to be? Realize that the problem exists. In the event that you are the one who suddenly not to bed jellies suddenly, often you just do not see the problem (unlike partner). After the awareness came, start ... Talk. You will be surprised, but the usual (truth, frank) conversation creates wonders. Share your fears and doubts, tell your spouse why you no longer want to get intimacy with him. Speak directly and simple: there should be no obviousness and ambiguity. Very often, husbands do not notice that their wives are literally crushed by homemade. And a depleted woman is offered instead of a well-deserved holiday to work out in bed. Once is a passionate, temperamental spouse is in energy conservation mode, not wanting to spend it on not the most important things. Food and sleep - that's all you need. It is clear that as soon as the excess energy appears - sensuality wakes up, the old desires are returned. If you declare your husband that you lack strength and sex for sex, you can get help and intimacy.
In the event that you are the one whom we are protected by intimate communication, it is very important to gently and delicately raise the topic exciting you without tightening with it. The fact is that the lack of desire is generally perceived by the partner as the lack of desire specifically to it. So, the longer you pull, the deeper the resentment and anger on the beloved are rooted. So it is not necessary to endure and silent: Even if your worst concerns are justified and sexual interest partner Ugas is to you, you will have a choice - try it to return it or accept and leave.
In general, the ability to abandon what is not suitable for you is another sign of an adult personality. Many centuries before that, women were forced to sexual relations - and they had no opportunity to refuse nor ask more. Perhaps it is time to take advantage of the right of choice and abandon the proximity when you do not need it.
By the way, sexologists are confident: if you learn to say "no" even the most beloved and welcome partner, when not ready for sex, your physical contact will become much better. The fact is that, agreeing on it through strength, you gradually break your libido, put on yourself, remove your desires for the background. If this happens regularly, your sensuality is dulled, because after a time you ignore its signals in favor of the partner, which means that soon you will stop believing yourself. "I do not want? You are just tired. Be patient! " Is there a passion?
You should not try to keep having sex to whom your temperament does not fit: breaking ourselves or lover - not the way to enjoy. Larkor opens simply: you are in the first place. Your requests and desires there are the one who suits all that is suitable for you. Having become acquainted with his passions, feelings and needs, do not doubt: they mean. Compromises are good, but the main thing is not to stop hearing your own body, trying to please partner. Hot days and nights!