Isinxibo esimhlophe, i-bouqueet, izihlangu ze-heel kunye nomoya wehlobo oshushu odlala nge-hem ye-chic yakho i-chic iintliziyo ezikude zezona zilindile okanye zibikele ixesha elide usapho olutsha.
Yonke le nto yayintle kangaka kwaye ibonakala ngathi ingunaphakade, kodwa emva komtshato osoloko uza, i-trigger kwaye ngaphandle kwengxabano ayisosibini esitshatileyo.
Beka inqaku kunye nomqobo okanye uthethe kwaye ufunde ukuhlala kunye, yiva omnye komnye, thanda, uxolele kwaye usebenze kwaye usebenze kunye nokusebenza kubudlelwane?
Uninzi luhlala luphepha uqhawulo-mtshato.
Kufanele ukuba ukuqonda kunye nokuhlalutya ezo zinto zikhokelela kuyo okanye zinokukhokelela.
I-Psychologist Tatyana bilenko
Uqhawulo-mtshato kwiimeko ezininzi zenzeka ngexesha lentlekele yolwalamano losapho.
Kukho amaxesha aliqela.
Lo ngunyaka wokuqala wobomi bosapho, xa abatshatileyo baqala ukubonana njengabantu bokwenene, kwaye abalunganga izinto zothando.
Emva kweminyaka emithathu, kufika ingxaki entsha - xa umntwana ebonakala. Ngamnye wabatshatileyo abonisa enye into elindelweyo, ivakalelwa kukunqongophala kwenkxaso.
Emva kweminyaka esixhenxe - intlekele elandelayo. Xa umntwana esiya kwiklasi yokuqala kwaye eqalisa iingxaki zesikolo.
Okokugqibela, eyona mbande inzima - iminyaka eli-17-25 yeminyaka yokuphila kunye, xa abantwana bekhula bemka kwintsapho yomzali, kwaye amaqabane sele efundile ukuhlala kunye.
Ngamnye kubo uqalile ukuqonda ukuba akaphili ngokwakhe, kwaye ke ndifuna ukuchitha ixesha lokugqibela leminyaka elishumi elisebenzayo.
Ndingabiza impikiswano yoqhawulo-mtshato, kwaye nakuphi na ukungqubana sisivumelwano esidityaniswe kakuhle apho amalungelo nezixanduva zamalungelo angaqhelekanga.
Xa abantu abancinci benza umtshato, bakhokelwa yimvakalelo yokuthandana, ngaphandle kokucinga ukuba bayangqinelani na okanye bangayixabisi imilinganiselo yabo ebalulekileyo.
Eyona nxalenye iphambili yoqhawulo-mtshato inxulunyaniswa nje ngokungathanga yimilinganiselo yobomi. Xa umntwana evele, amaqabane anemibuzo eza kunyuka aye kuye ebusuku, indlela yokuchitha iholide yazo eya kuyenza izifundo naye.
Umbuzo owahlukileyo linani labantwana kusapho: Ihlala yenzeka rhoqo ukuba izimvo zamaqabane alo mbandela zikhule. Kwaye lo mbuzo uphambili malunga nokuthenjwa kunye nolawulo, oluhlala luphoswe ngumtshato.
Ukuba le mibuzo emininzi yayithathelwa ingqalelo ngamaqabane ngaphambi komtshato, awunakubuthandabuza: Uqhawulo-mtshato luza kuba lincinci, kwaye iintsapho ngokubanzi ziya kuba noxolo kwaye zonwabe ngakumbi.
Ndandinomthengi owayenomyeni onenkosikazi iminyaka eli-15 kubomi bomtshato.
Nangona babenobudlelwane obulungileyo. Yayingothusi noxinzelelo oluqinileyo.
Ngeli xesha, unyana wabo wayesele ehamba isikolo, ubomi babugculelwe kwaye yonke into ebomini yazola.
Kumbuzo, uyamthanda umyeni wakhe, wamangalisa "ukuphendula iminyaka eli-15 esele kunye."
Ewe, nanku ngxaki. Unyana wakhulela, bekukho ixesha labo nobomi bakhe, kodwa yena.
Uhlala usenzeka rhoqo, bahlala kunye iminyaka eli-15 ukuya kwengama-20 kwaye bafumanisa ukuba akukho nto malunga nabanye. Umntu awunabushushu, kunye nenye ingqalelo. Ukuhlalisana nabantwana kwaye ekugqibeleni, musa ukuva omnye komnye, kuba bathetha ngeelwimi ezahlukeneyo zothando. Umyeni wam ufuna ukuchukumisa azive esithandwa, kwaye uMarina ngokwaYena uyakhathalelwa.
Ngenxa yoko wanika umyeni wakhe, watyibilika, wagqobhoza iingubo zakhe, wafumana indlu ecocekileyo kwaye walinda okufanayo kumyeni wakhe, kwaye walinda hugs, echukumisayo kunye neengxoxo malunga nothando. Kwaye akazange ayiqonde kwaye amvuyisa, ecinga ukuba ayithethi nto engenanto.
Xa usazi izibuko, unokufumana ibhalansi kwaye unike omnye umntu obalelwayo kwaye uzive. Kwaye ukuba usasebenza kwiimeko zabazali kunye nokulimala kwabantwana, ngokuqinisekileyo uya kuphila ixesha elide kwaye ngovuyo!
Intsapho inokuhlala igcinwe ukuba ityhila izizathu kwaye isebenze ngexesha.