The complex of the rescuer of loved ones is developed everywhere. This is such a behavioral parasite that grows in us from the most young years. When from kindergarten, they say how important it is to share toys, helping small, do not upset mom, dad or grandmother. Education is built on making an adult assistant or, at best, minimize interference and inconvenience from him. The child grows with the thought that the greater support for loved ones he will, the stronger to love him as a maximum, and at least it is less to punish.
Pioneer-October childhood teaches us hypertrophically taken care of others, putting its own needs for the last place. Despite the fact that 25 years have not been accepted into pioneers already, the foundations of this education continue to flourish. Adult men and women live with ideals about the fact that help is near and is the meaning of life. And I will not say that it is wrong to be guided by this ideal. Be humained and separate is wonderful. At the same time, the biblical commandment says: "Love your neighbor, like yourself." In other words, love and care of others begins with love for yourself, and it is also impossible without love for yourself. Without having experiences of love and care for yourself, it is even difficult for us to assume how to do to others. Functionally - maybe we have taught us to take care. But to love and contemplate how our loved ones are developing, growing, get their experience - this is already art. Few people can resist non-refined assessments, advice, interventions. Or what about those who have financial problems? Functionally - it is necessary to help, give money or lend without accurate return dates. Although perhaps the best way to help the other to get on his feet is to stop "sponsoring" with a compassion.
How to learn to put yourself in the first place in my own life, the dream of our heroine: "In it, one freezer took me a bundle of Muesli, saying that the hungry. And for the opposition asking, I don't feel sorry for me. I was sorry, but I was silent. Then he bought three packs of different types, settled in the park at the table and prepared to eat. There are three girls with a twentiest crushed, began to choose their meals and gathered to eat. Then I exploded and said: "Bake! Do not eat! I bought it myself! "They looked at him, but silently got up and left. The view they had indignant. But I felt the celebration. I woke up with a feeling of anger and indignation. And I thought that my contrived debts surrounding I paid. And I want to think now only about myself. And that I do not want to experience even in a dream the feeling that I used brazenly, and I allow it and silent. "
Beautiful sleep, where the heroine learns to defend its borders and interests. She is still difficult to do it with men (she lost guy in a dream), but with women she becomes bolder, risks, greasy. We wish her good luck on this path.
I wonder what you dream? Send your dreams and questions by mail [email protected].
Maria Dyachkova, PSYCHOLOGIST, Family therapist and leading trainings of personal growth Training center Marika Khazin